What's up with hedgehogs?

I felt like I knew what I needed to know about hedgehogs thanks to Sega Genesis. However, as it turns out, I did not. For example, I saw this video the other day and learned that they can swim/float:

You're in love with hedgehogs now too, right? What if you had one that lived in your bathroom and helped put toothpaste on your toothbrush every day??

Facts:

• Hedgehogs are mammals.
• They make hog noises while searching for food, often while hanging out in hedges. hedge + hog = yep. They're carnivorous and can even eat poisonous snakes.
• Hedgehogs hibernate.
• They're covered in little, hard quills, and can roll into a tiny hedgehog ball to protect themselves from danger, like an owl or a lawnmower.
• You can keep them as pets. They live for four to seven years, and a hedgehog starter kit is only $80!

It's a good thing that these people exist because, no, I do not like conflicting and fractured information about hedgehogs. I've always wanted to write a children's book. Do you think I could write one about a hedgehog? Here's a drawing I did:

 

I feel like his name could be Herbie the Helpful Hedgehog or something equally as catchy. And then I remembered this:

We meet again, Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle. Well played, Beatrix Potter. Well played.

Teppanyaki; i.e. A one-way ticket to Frown Town.

Everybody's always like, "Let's do teppanyaki! It's so good and you can eat all this meat and there's sauce and it's just the best." To which I say, no. No it's not. It's regrettable at best.

If you aren't familiar teppanyaki is an eating experience where you sit around a big grill and the chef juggles the food you're going to eat and you sit there and pretend to enjoy yourself. Lots of people like it.

Here are my issues:

• Authenticity. The only thing really Japanese about teppanyaki is the name, which translates to "iron-plate grill". I don't think they even exist in Japan. Japanese people have yakiniku, which rules.
• The food. Mountains of grilled meat and vegetables that have been smothered in oil and made airborne. You do have the option to drench your food in a nondescript "white sauce." What is that stuff? Why is it never refrigerated? Shouldn't there not be a better name for it than "white sauce"?
• The price. Expensive. $20-$25. See all other bullet points.
• The show. I don't want to pay someone with a lampshade on their head to throw food at my face. Read the Wikipedia description of what goes on under "In North America". Is someone making fun of us? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teppanyaki
• The crowd. You sit next to a stranger and at the same time next to the person you came with so you have to talk while staring in another direction. And if you go with a group, there's an excellent chance you'll sit next to someone you don't know while attempting to scream across the quadrangle of fire to talk to someone that you do. Just get comfortable staring at your napkin.   

But seriously, it's popular. If you want to go for your birthday, I will go with you. I would never say no to free food. You're paying, right? 

This should sum it all up for you.

Mornings, am I right?

I have never been and will never aspire to be a morning person. Sleep is my favorite hobby, and I can safely say it's the one I do best.
 
Recently, I've had to get up before 7:00a.m. for school. This is, for me, torture. What I have learned are a few things to make my morning go a bit smoother and get me places on time. I thought I would share them with the blogosphere.
 

• Set your entire outfit out the night before, down to the underpants, shoes and earrings. Then you don't have to think about it, or try to match socks in the dark.
• Put your alarm in the other room. Then you have to get up to turn it off. And since you're up and walking around, just don't go back to bed. Dance or something.
• Don't snooze your alarm. Snooze is not your friend. Snooze wants you to fail.  
• Shower in the evenings. This way you go to bed clean every night and you don't have to worry about the mathematically proven time vacuum that occurs during morning showers when you zone out and stare at the wall for 45 minutes when you think it's been only five.
• Pack your lunch at night. If you have to rush around to make it in the a.m., you might end up with a lunchbox full of various condiments, jelly packets and shredded cheese....recently happened.

Shazam!

So, remember when I was all "I wrote this Japanese tattoo artist, and I hope he emails me back." Oh, it happened! This is what I heard:

Hey Kate,
I am HoriToyo's buddy here in Yamanashi. I'm from Atlanta as well. Anyways, he will be in Atlanta sometime this year and we will get in touch with you when we have dates and times. How big were you thinking? A full upper arm may take 8-10 hours? So, just think about exactly what you want and the size and HoriToyo will draw something up for you. Thanks for the interest and good luck with your first tattoo...

Neat, right? This is a sketch I drew in the meantime as an idea. 2013 is coming up Kate.

La-Di Da-Di, We Like to Toddy.

It's cold outside. And I feel like I'm getting sick. You know what that means:

Won't you take me to......toddy toooown?!

I swear by these. They will make you feel better for a few dollars, and you don't need an insurance card. Follow this simple recipe:

• 1 shot of whiskey (to kill germs......and make you smile)
• 2 shots of water (to not get you too wasted)
• 1 Tablespoon of honey (to soothe your aching throat)
• 1 Tablespoon of lemon juice (vitamin C!!)
• 1 Lemon Slice (for taste, more vitamin C, and to float in your drink and make it look legit)

Combine everything, except for the lemon slice, in a mug. Microwave for, say, 50 seconds. Add your lemon slice, stir with a spoon and sip. You may want to add more honey, you may want to add more whiskey.  It's your toddy, so knock yourself out.

懐かしい!

I heard about this photo contest through The FayBoo. The winner gets a trip to Japan! It was fun going through some old photos. If you have a sec, please vote for me at the link below! I don't think you have to log in or anything.

http://japanphotocontest.jp/eng/entry/?pid=25326

I will give you a high five and may even get you something with Hello Kitty on it if I  go. Maybe I will even dance like this.......this is not me, even though it looks like it could be. I would own that stuff. I took it at a Japanese department store where I bought a mug this one time.

Stenokate; not a verb, but should be.

Some of you may not know that I'm studying stenography!

ste·nog·ra·phy, /stəˈnägrəfē/- Noun; The action or process of writing in shorthand or taking dictation. Anyone who can master this process is a borderline ninja and should be compensated as such.

* Side note: Googling this, I found out that steganography is the art and science of writing hidden messages. This is not really that at all, so try to keep up.

Court reporting, taking down literal courtroom and deposition testimony amongst other things, is no joke. See below:

 

(The above is a totally badass steno machine, roughly $5 G's.) Each court reporter owns their own machine. To blow your mind further, here's what the keyboard means:

Yup. Typing on this machine breaks down words phonetically. You can make any of the 26 letters of the alphabet using the vowels and seven letters on the right. Oh, I said it!

The end goal to finish school is transcription at 225 words a minute. I'm almost through my 100's. I will elaborate more on this later, but schooling is hard, challenging and at times results in excessive drinking. If you know one, hug a court reporter.

Hold on a second!

Now, for those of you who don't know, or are not kinfolk to me, I will be 30 this year. To celebrate three decades of me, I want to have a party. More than that, I think I may want to get a tattoo. Could I combine the two and have a tattoo fundraiser? Hmmmmm.

I've thought a lot about tattoos over the years. Yeah, I know, I'm probably too old. That being said, I've narrowed it down to a few things. Even if you don't know much about Japanese culture, you've probably seen this:
 

Kabuki theatre is boring, BUT the masks are awesome. This particular one is from a play called "Shibaraku" which means "hold on a second." Catchy!

While researching kabuki masks, I found this tattoo artist. http://horitoyotattoo.com/

He's Japanese and awesome. I also noticed that he comes to Georgia sometimes, what are the odds?! So, in my horrible, halting Japanese I sent him an email. It probably sounded like this:

Most honorable Horitoyo:

I am Kate. I used to live in Japan. You are so super cool. Will you have the kind pleasure of coming to Atlanta, GA sometime soon? I want to have meet you. I want to have tattoo and maybe you could make it for me?

Most humble,

Kate

Let's see what he says!

 

Oops, I did it again.

Are you there blog? It's me, Kate.

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged, and let's get real; I missed it! So I'm back. I don't even know if the young folks still read these things. Can you read a big blog on a tiny iPhone? What is a Tumblr, and do you have to stretch before you use it? Could someone help me send a Tweet? 

I say "Daily" Katorade with a lot of hope, knowing that daily may be a stretch for how much I'll actually be all up ons. Hey, for what it's worth, writing is fun for me; so I'm gonna give it a shot.

Come along with me. (Put that to music as you feel motivated to do so.)

Love,

Bilbo Bloggins aka Katorade